I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
