benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
