apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
