Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This baby is an asshole
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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