So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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