I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
