I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
