Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
