You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
