Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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