i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
