Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
