Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize