there's paper in my vomit.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
