My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
