The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
