I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
