This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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