Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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