I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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