just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
