I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think my moral compass just broke
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