well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
