Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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