Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
