4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize