YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
