so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
