Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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