3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
