I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
