Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
