btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
