you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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