watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
