smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
