UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
