i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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