How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
