We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
