All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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