His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
