He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
