I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
