Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
