Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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