I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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