Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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