well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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