But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
