I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize