shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
