im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
