ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Randomize