I wish i was in the wii world.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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