its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
