she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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