I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
id be glad to
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just pee around me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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