Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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