I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
