She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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