I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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