Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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