3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
