You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
