if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize