It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
