omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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