Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
