There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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