suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
