Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize