Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
