I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
