In the future we'll all be gay
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I believe in your delicious
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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