I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
