she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
