if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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