The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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