Capitaan dildo arrescate!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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