please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
