are you still at the devil's house?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
