i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
