Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
