No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
