My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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