i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
