She is in my trunk
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
