Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize