Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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