i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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