I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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